 |
|
| Hello, you are currently browsing to Retro-Renault Archive which is a copy of our old forum. You cannot post replies in this forum. Please click here to go to the active website.
|
| Author |
Message |
A14LN C
Site Subscriber
Joined: 15 Oct 2004
Posts: 1139
|
| Posted:
Fri Jan 27, 2006 11:25 am |
|
thought sum of u might like these, mainly the Scottish folk will get them.
GLASGOW ONE-LINERS
>What do you call a dwarf that falls into a cement mixer?
>A wee hard man
>
>
>Why wasn't Jesus born in Glasgow ?
>They couldn't find a virgin or three wise men.
>
>
>What do you call a man who takes a small size in a shoe ?
>Wee Shooey.
>
>
>What do you call a man who takes a small size in a shoe and can't find
>his dog ?
>
>Wee Shooey Douglas.
>
>
>A guy walks into a GP's surgery.
>"Doctor , Doctor! He cries , "you've got to help me, I feel like I'm
>turning into coconut"
>
>Says the doctor, "You're bountae "
>
>
>What did Dracula get when he came to Glasgow ?
>A bat in the mouth.
>
>
>There were three coos in a field. Which wan wis oan its hoalidays ?
>
>The wan wi a wee calf.
>
>
>What do you call an illegitimate insect ?
>A fly bastart.
>
>
>Hear about the lonely prisoner ?
>He was in his cell.
>
>
>What famous costume drama TV series of the 1970's was named after a
>queue for the toilet ?
>
>The Aw Needin Line.
>
>
>The man in the clothes shop insisting on a maroon jacket.
>"Fur ma roon shooders"
>
>
>
>Hear about the stupit skindiver?
>He didny have a scuba.
>
>
>Did you hear about the London criminal who fell foul of the Glasgow
>Mafia?
>Apparently they made him an offer he couldn't understand.
>
>
>What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a social worker ?
>
>Ye can get yer wean back aff a Rottweiler
>
>
>What do you call a Glasgow Sikh who enjoys karaoke ?
>Gupty Singh |
|
|
|
|
simonds1
Site Subscriber
Joined: 29 Jan 2005
Posts: 1108
|
| Posted:
Fri Jan 27, 2006 1:56 pm |
|
Q. What do you call 100 nuns in a shop?
A. Virgin Megastore  |
|
|
|
|
Dan
Site Subscriber
Joined: 28 Jan 2005
Posts: 3547
|
| Posted:
Fri Jan 27, 2006 2:55 pm |
|
|
|
|
Neal
Forum Moderator
Joined: 18 Feb 2004
Posts: 7432
|
| Posted:
Fri Jan 27, 2006 3:01 pm |
|
A man comes home late one night to find his wife waiting up for him.
"You're going to have a hard time explaining to me where that lipstick on your shirt came from!!" accused the wife, angrily
"That's easy", replies the man, "I used it to wipe my cock" |
|
|
|
|
Chris H
Forum Moderator
Joined: 02 Mar 2004
Posts: 19978
|
| Posted:
Sat Jan 28, 2006 10:57 am |
|
the glasgow ones only the glaswegians will get tbh! |
|
|
|
|
andy 16v
Site Subscriber
Joined: 26 Nov 2005
Posts: 591
|
| Posted:
Sat Jan 28, 2006 11:00 am |
|
the other day i got up out of bed to find a german shepard shitting in my garden. gets worse this morning he brought his dog! |
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |